Thoughts While Being Pulled Over

Over the summer I was pulled over while driving. It was totally my bad.

I severely overslept and made it to work an hour late that day (not my usual, I promise). When the workday was over I had to get home ASAP because I had a two hour drive to a friend's graduation party. And to be honest, the damn cop was just driving too slowly for me.

I gave him a chance to speed up... he unconsciously refused. So I decided to pass him. Unfortunately, I didn't think this through and decided to pass him while going through a traffic light. Okay, okay! While going through a traffic light in the process of changing from yellow to red.

But for the record, it was yellow when I started through it! I always think that is a valid enough reason to go through. This is probably my number one offense while driving. Well that and stop signs. Stopping in general. That's my problem.

Anyway, the light turned red while I was still in the intersection. I continued on through. The cop did not. This would be the moment when my stomach dropped, my heart stopped, and yet I immediately accepted my fate. Because why wouldn't that happen after the day I had? Every day has to have some type of theme to it, right?

I should have been in a car accident at that moment too. Not because of other cars but because I then completely stopped looking ahead of me and flat out stared into my rear-view mirror waiting for those damn colorful, flashing, vindictive lights.

No lights appeared. My thoughts in that moment? "Huh? Come on now, guy. You can't let me get away with that. I AM SLOWING DOWN SO YOU CAN PULL ME OVER MORE EASILY. ACT. I CAN'T REST UNLESS YOU REACT."

Boom. He must have heard me because the Scene-of-the-Crime-Stoplight changed and the cop appeared in my rear view mirror closer, closer, closer and THEN he put the lights on. Don't get me started on how uncalled for it was that he waited so long to put his lights on. To the point where I started to relax. He has some nerve. Not me.

So then I pull over immediately. Probably prematurely. I mean I basically just stopped driving. Blocked an entire entrance to a bar. Which in the middle of the afternoon you might not think is a big deal, but in this part of Lancaster city... you might be surprised.

As the dude takes his time to mosey up to my window, I text Brian, "I just got pulled over." That was it. I didn't respond until I got home. I wanted to keep him in suspense as much as I was being kept in suspense by the cop. Chain of Suspense... similar to the Chain of Anger. (Because I might as well incorporate that into my life as often as possible.)

"Bad time to run a red light, huh?"

That is what he said to me. Naturally my reply... "IT WAS YELLOW. I SWEAR IT WAS YELLOW WHEN I WENT THROUGH. I THOUGHT IT WAS YELLOW. YELLOW! YELLOW! IT WAS YELLOW!!!"

He then proceeds to take my information then goes back to play in his car. I sing a song to myself about how predictably chaotic my life is and he returns cool, calm, and collected.

"Okay. Just try and be more careful when you're driving." He hands my stuff back to me and I proceed to excessively thank him. Then, like a real creep, I ask his name and thank him with his name attached to the phrase. Because then we're on a new personal level of thankfulness and there is no way he would change his mind.

He probably thought it had to be an accident because who in their right mind would pass a cop to go through a red light? Rhetorical question, guys.

I waved as he drove away like an old pal I would see later for dinner.

While driving home from there with the jitters, I did what anyone my age would do... I called my mom.

"Hey Mom. So I just got pulled over... No, he didn't give me a ticket... he can't like send it to me in the mail right? Like it's done, right? No ticket for Bridget?" Like a good mom, she assured me he can't fake me out and mail me a ticket anyway.

As it turned out my luck with not getting tickets only lasted for one time. Because a month later I was pulled over again. That time wasn't as pleasant and I was slapped with two tickets for simply forgetting to have my car inspected. Which in my defense, was a new car to me.

I had been going to visit my nephews and stopped at a stop sign (luckily I did this time). I was waving someone else along when I noticed they were motioning behind me. I looked in that damn rear view mirror and saw a VAN with headlights.

"That can't be for me!? I did nothing wrong!"

It was for me. Jeez, I would have been happier if I got a ticket for the red light. Well, maybe not "happy".

Needless to say, I paid the one ticket and went to court two weeks ago to settle the other. All in the grand city of Philadelphia. Talk about intimidating. But also a grown up life lesson officially learned...

Man, I am so sick of grown up life lessons.