"That's a Good Lesson for the Kids"

In my efforts to seize the world, I am taking a film class at a local old-fashioned movie theater where I have been known to almost pass out.

The passing out is due to seeing Black Swan (can you blame me?) and Two Days, One Night... a foreign film I accidentally saw that made me squeamish for who knows what reason. Maybe boredom? Can that happen? 

Anyway, the class is about Woody Allen films. Is the guy a creep? Totally. Is he annoying to watch on screen and listen to rant? Most definitely. Do I even like him? No.

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Woody Allen's face

I took the class because I appreciate his approach to film and there is something about those films that make me want to pay $125 for four classes to listen to my overweight professor get in weird, passive arguments with my class full of elderly die-hard Woody Allen fans. 

Okay, maybe it isn't his films that make me want to go through all of that. But well, that's what I've been going through.

Last night was my second class. We start in discussion in a classroom then go down to the theater, watch the film of the night, then go back and discuss more. Solid. 

Well, last night was a better movie than the first week. Still weird and incestuous, but whatever. Foreshadowing, I guess. Well, there was a joke in the movie. Not surprising. However, EVERYONE in my class cracked up. The full "throw your body forward" laughing. I sat still. Laughed inside? I think I smirked just because the couple next to me looked at me like I was a freak for not projectile vomiting my laughter. That's when I knew.

I was surrounded by people that lovedddd Woody Allen. And it was then that I felt like I accidentally went into another foreign film.  

Half of the discussion I listen and somehow take 5 pages of notes, but the lulls between that include me watching my classmates. Flat out staring at them. Why are they all there? I haven't spoken a word yet. Except to say I didn't do the homework on the first night. Actually, I read 2 of the 3 readings which is basically doing all of it for me. 

I decided I hate one girl. She's foreign, but that isn't why I hate her. (Don't take offense, Two Days One Night.) Last night her phone vibrated for the entire second part of class. I'M SORRY, BUT WHAT!? Cut the shit, girl. I was especially angry because she had BO from the very moment she walked in and I made it a priority to shower before class. And I hate showering. Then she spoke and made a dumb point that was immediately passively argued by my professor. However, she pushed it further... all the while her phone vibrated. I gave up. 

But it was then that I realized the class was still worth it...

Because a retired doctor said:

"If there's sperm. There's a chance." In regards to pregnancy.
So my professor said:

"That's a good lesson for the kids!"

And that's what I learned in my film class last night.